i remember

A combination of imaginary faulty brakes, independence day, the fuel increase and my nasty sleeping habit brought me back to a place that once seemed so familiar. It wasn't so long ago, but it feels distant today.

I remember when all of this felt new. There was a little spring to my step; a quiet realisation that this is where i've always wanted to be; this is what i've always wanted to do.

I remember when i felt prouder. When waking up had a bigger purpose, because i knew there was no time to waste. I said: "I want an accelerated exit from all this mess."

I remember when i was hungrier. I wanted it badly. Not because i wanted to prove anyone wrong. I could screw the world, but i couldn't lose a bet i made with myself.

I remember the decisions i made. The "thanks but no thanks" i said to people, because deep inside i knew someday it would all be worth it. I chose to chase the dreams that were further, not the ones dangled right before me.

I remember when i wondered how things would be. I hoped for great, big, grand accomplishments. I thought they would make me happy.

I remember when all of this first started. How i promised myself that no matter what happens, we won't give up. We won't walk away. We'll get up.

I remember somewhere along the way, they taught me to see that it's not about the destination. It's about my overused word of the week—the journey.

I remember how they also taught me to abandon all my fancy notions of grandeur. And i learned that i only need to chase one thing, and the rest will come. It's still not here, but I remember the ones who taught me patience too.

And i remember now, as i remember then; it's not what we do that makes us who we are. It's how we do it. And what we do when it doesn't make so much sense anymore.

We hang on. We do what feels right. And we remember.