Thursday, June 19, 2008

i remember


A combination of imaginary faulty brakes, independence day, the fuel increase and my nasty sleeping habit brought me back to a place that once seemed so familiar. It wasn't so long ago, but it feels distant today.

I remember when all of this felt new. There was a little spring to my step; a quiet realisation that this is where i've always wanted to be; this is what i've always wanted to do.

I remember when i felt prouder. When waking up had a bigger purpose, because i knew there was no time to waste. I said: "I want an accelerated exit from all this mess."

I remember when i was hungrier. I wanted it badly. Not because i wanted to prove anyone wrong. I could screw the world, but i couldn't lose a bet i made with myself.

I remember the decisions i made. The "thanks but no thanks" i said to people, because deep inside i knew someday it would all be worth it. I chose to chase the dreams that were further, not the ones dangled right before me.

I remember when i wondered how things would be. I hoped for great, big, grand accomplishments. I thought they would make me happy.

I remember when all of this first started. How i promised myself that no matter what happens, we won't give up. We won't walk away. We'll get up.

I remember somewhere along the way, they taught me to see that it's not about the destination. It's about my overused word of the week—the journey.

I remember how they also taught me to abandon all my fancy notions of grandeur. And i learned that i only need to chase one thing, and the rest will come. It's still not here, but I remember the ones who taught me patience too.

And i remember now, as i remember then; it's not what we do that makes us who we are. It's how we do it. And what we do when it doesn't make so much sense anymore.

We hang on. We do what feels right. And we remember.



posted by tim at 1:42 AM |






tim


Failed novelist. Unfortunately Malaysian.
Idiot. Misunderstood. Even by myself.


recent favs


All the new crap i bought, heroes, rain.


words


Yes, we can.
- The new guy.


recent


  • if i can't be reached...
  • one at a time
  • Almost Last Thing Thursday Not-Quite Night
  • bla bla blergh
  • pause
  • the trouble with being me
  • desire, demands, dreams
  • a personal note to datuk ahmad ismail
  • die wondering
  • am i now?



  • past


  • home

  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008



  • blogs


  • jmeei
  • misel
  • myron
  • spam
  • steph
  • su